health, personal, tarlov cysts

Strange Dreams

I have been having strange dreams lately. I dreamed of a frog suctioned on the edge of my tongue, unwilling to let go. I could remember the disgust I felt. That disgust was different, not quite heartfelt. Instead, it was like a concept hovering over me, recognized but not fully internalized. Someone – I was not quite sure who – in my dream said that the frog was supposedly known to do that. It was an accepted fact, a habit on the frog’s part to hop into people’s mouths and just clutch as mightily as it could.

frog

I also dreamed about a bunch of people dressed up in “Ghostbusters” gear, hunting for eggs that are supposedly very priceless. Doing so without getting official permission by a certain organization would mean jail time. Still, off this group go – hunting for huge, precious eggs.

Both the frog and the eggs symbolize fertility, a welcome theme for someone who was almost unable to conceive a child and for someone who must continue thriving in a creative community. Maybe, my writer’s block would end. Maybe I would start drawing with some inspiration again.

However, there is also a darker tone to all of this. I received the weird set of dreams after I laid down to sleep without my pain medication. The sudden change in sleeping activity reminded me that I had become so dependent on Lyrica to make me survive each day. Whenever I remember just how scary it is to have growing cysts on my spine and how they eat at my bones, I could not sleep. But I want to sleep, even if it means giving in to strange dreams.

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2 thoughts on “Strange Dreams

  1. Mika says:

    Hi,

    I’ve been searching about tarlov cysts since i was also diagnosed on having 2 cysts in my S1/S2 region just a couple of weeks back. I’ve been having bad dreams of undergoing surgery or being immobile becuase of severe damage on my nerves.

    I know this post was 2 years back, i was just wondering how you are? Did you undergo any surgery? Or therapy?

    Ny neurosurgeon advised me that i have to do surgery next year. And i have been panicking ever since. Im so scared for the risks involved, let alone knowing that someone will cut me open and take iut sonething from my spine.

    So sorry for the random comment in your blog. Tarlov Cysts are so rare and it has been difficult for me to find anyone in the Philippines who would understand the situation Im in.

    Thanks for the time! 🙂

    • Hi Mika, I am sorry for the very late reply. I am now living in Dominica and had not seen a neurosurgeon in almost two years. From 2013 to 2015, I had mostly very conservative treatments: mostly physical therapy and medication. I am still on Lyrica. My last MRI was in 2015. I might have another one next year to check if there were changes. I am scared of surgery. So, I am willing to take any conservative treatments. Mostly, I am alright as long as I take Lyrica (50 mg/once a day). However, there are tough days, too. I am a primary school teacher. So, I am mostly on my feet. I also get a lot of pain whenever I am constipated. I wonder what is going on back there whenever that happens. What symptoms are you experiencing. Sorry, the year has been very stressful and packed with work and, unfortunately, tragedy that I had just revisited my blog today.

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