coronaviruschronicles, health, loss of a child, motherhood, personal, rant

I started 2020 Fat and Pregnant

Some people don’t like it when you tell them unpleasant things. Well, I started the year fat and pregnant – but happy. I was supposed to have a baby in September. The pregnancy did not continue developing and I had “spotting” while teaching at school, but the sac was still growing. When I was admitted to the hospital to expel the palm-sized sac, I refused all pain medications. Just because I did not cry, people thought that I was not in pain. I was, but I was suffering inside so much that I thought it was just right that I felt it physically, too. I went back to work while I was still having severe cramps and bleeding. That was better than staying at home.


Soon after, we went on lock-down. It was challenging to be locked in with your thoughts. So, I found some clients to write for. I now have 4 steady clients and I am going nuts but it is better than being left to my thoughts. I also exercise a lot. I lost 8.5 lbs in 5 weeks, shedding a few more of the proof that I was pregnant earlier this year. No, it is not easy to just rise from the trauma and say, “Oh, let me get pregnant again.” Would I have any emotional support? I remembered I stopped talking about my loss because people felt uncomfortable. Nobody wanted to talk me through it, except a few friends in the Philippines via Facebook messenger.

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